So may I come to visit? If so, please respond in time
to the following questions: what is your telephone number? Shall I dress
in black, or would it suffice simply to arrive in my summer
suit? I would much prefer that, as it would be more convenient, or more properly
said, the former is virtually impossible. Shall I bring flowers
for your mother? What kind? I am going to stay in the Askanische Hof
again. It is difficult to say what paralyzes me so in your presence.
Why would I prefer to struggle like a beast on the forest’s earthen floor? There must
be a reason, mustn’t there? It terrifies me, if you say “I don’t understand
what this is all about, he writes often enough, but there’s no rhyme or reason
to his letters, I don’t know what they’re saying, we haven’t grown
closer, and there seems to be no hope of that, at least for now.”
Translated from the Hungarian by Ottilie Mulzet.
© Szilárd Borbély